The Introduction to the Pantheon

Ship-launcher [shĭp-lahn-cher]

noun

1. Just before schooners set sail for extended voyages to discover new passageways; a fair, captivating, friendly, and charismatic maiden would stand ashore blessing their craft, bidding them farewell, wishing them Godspeed and a safe return transit. Desperately home sick for their life on land, sailors would think of her the most, and prayed she awaited them upon their return. In point of fact, she is acknowledged as the reason why they stayed true to a most perilous course. A woman such as this was known as a ship-launcher.

2. Keepsakes reminding one of a ship-launcher.

3. A Pantheon woman.

Actresses To Be Included

These are a few of the unforgettable, Pantheon women I hope to include once I find the time, the energy, and a full-time research assistant. This incomplete list has unexpectedly gotten very long, and I have made serious omissions due to blind spots in my admittedly limited knowledge of the entertainment industry:

Allison Janney
Amy Poehler
Angela Bassett
Anjelica Huston
Anne Hathaway
Annette Bening
Audrey Hepburn
Barbra Streisand
Bette Davis
Candice Bergen
Carol Burnett
Carol Kane
Carol Channing
Carrie Fisher
Cate Blanchett
Catherine Deneuve
Catherine O’Hara
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Chelsea Handler
Cheryl Hines
Christina Hendricks
Christine Baranski
Cicely Tyson
Claire Danes
Claudette Colbert
Courtney Cox
Cybill Shepherd
Debbie Reynolds
Debra Messing
Demi Moore
Donna Douglas

Drew Barrymore
Elaine Stritch
Elisabeth Shue
Ellen Barkin
Ellen Burstyn
Ellen Greene
Emily Blunt
Emma Stone
Emma Thompson
Emma Watson
Eva Longoria
Eva Marie Saint
Gabrielle Union
Geena Davis
Glenn Close
Glenne Headly
Dame Helen Mirren
Hilary Swank
Jacqueline Bisset
Jane Krakowski
Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer Coolidge
Jennifer Hudson
Jessica Chastain
Jessica Lange
Joan Cusack
Jodie Foster
Joan Rivers
Joni Mitchell
Dame Judi Dench
Judith Light

Judy Garland
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Julia Stiles
Julianne Moore*
Dame Julie Andrews
Julie Delpy
Julie Hagerty
Kate Winslet
Katharine Hepburn
Keira Knightly
Keri Russell
Kerry Washington
Kristin Chenoweth
Kristen Stewart
Kristen Wiig
Laura Dern
Lea Thompson
Lee Grant
Lena Dunham
Lillian Gish
Lily Tomlin
Lisa Kudrow
Liza Minnelli
Louise Lasser
Dame Maggie Smith
Margot Kidder
Marilyn Monroe
Mary-Louise Parker
Maya Rudolph
Melinda Dillon

Melissa McCarthy
Michelle Pfeiffer
Minnie Driver
Morena Baccarin
Naomi Watts
Oprah Winfrey
Parker Posey
Patricia Arquette
Penelope Cruz
Rene Russo
Renée Zellweger
Rita Hayworth
Sally Field
Salma Hayek
Sarah Jessica Parker
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Scarlett Johansson
Sigourney Weaver
Sissy Spacek
Sharon Stone
Shirley Jones
Shirley MacLaine
Teri Garr
Tess Harper
Valerie Harper
D. Vanessa Redgrave
Viola Davis
Winona Ryder
*Next Profile

Legal BS

Pantheon Women, if you feel that my drooling over you is not in keeping with how you would like to be represented, send me a C & D, a cease and desist letter, to ideas@otherletter.com. I will confer with my lawyer, and we will likely redact the material that you find offensive.

If any Pantheon Woman feels the photos are copyright infringement, send me a C & D. I doubt I will hear from you, because I am promoting your movies and career.

The Pantheon of Hollywood Women

Carol “Miss Wiggins” Burnett

(Still from The Carol Burnett Show
That’s an über strung-out Norma Desmond
from the recently colorized Sunset Boulevard,
or is this Carol Burnett?
Gabi Rona | © MPTV | mptvimages.com)

Carol Burnett’s wiggling-walking “Miss Wiggins” was the secretary of Tim Conway’s Mister Tudball.

“Hollywood” Jane Fonda

(Barbarella trailer)

“Golden” Meryl Streep

(Jack Mitchell)

“America’s Mom” Blythe Danner

Still of Blythe Danner in Paul
Wilson Webb | © 2010 Universal Studios.
This is what a born actress (and Mom) looks like.

“Sex Kitten” Ann-Margaret

(Life magazine)

Susan “Janet Weiss” Sarandon

(www.pinterest.com
The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Diane “Annie Hall” Keaton

(Still from Heaven
© R.V.P. Productions)

Diane “Broadway Baby” Lane

(Still of Diane Lane in Fierce People
Diane is having a nice life, but not exactly a charmed one.)

Ms. Lane was in her first theater production at the age of six.

Meg “Sally” Ryan

(When Harry met Sally ... trailer)

Marisa “Mona Lisa Vito” Tomei

(Tony Shek)

Sandra Bullock

(While You were Sleeping trailer)

Julia “Erin Brockovitch” Roberts

(iwritealot.com)

“Independence” Halle Berry

(Alexander Horn)

Ashley “Ruby” Judd

Look at that smile. She could melt icebergs with that smile.

Ashley Judd is known to regularly camp at the GSMNP, the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. What does she do there, this vegan, animal rights activist? That’s right, she bowhunts elk and moose. Ashley’s backpack contains a hi-tech, foldable bow that can make moose-meat from three-hundred yards away.

But Ashley doesn’t stop there, she also packs both a Smith and Wesson Hi-caliber Terminator, with air-split bullets; and a Glock with thigh-high, garter-like holster. Ms. Judd is so well-armed (and so feared), other women follow her as she hunts for dinner, while simultaneousy staving off Big Foot, and AT thru-hiker mass murderers.

Ashley Judd is the unique mix of survivalist and eco-preservationist. She once subsisted on raccoon for five whole weeks in the woods behind her manse. Yet she was sure to only hunt for adult ’coons, save the younguns for Autumn.

Ashe washes down the day’s kill with huckleberries, and rain water collected in a hi-tech solar-powered evaporator. #MeToo? Most would say, no thanks, but Ashley is the titleholder of “Outdoorsy Girl” in Outdoor Times magazine.

Does Ashley bring a bag of primo sinsimilla with her on her outings? Actually, no, she was once heavily into dope. But she got so winded, that after she fastened her eighty-pound backpack on, she just put it back down, and dragged it back into her Rolls-Royce.

The Oscar-winner then went home wondering if she should give up on camping in favor of establishing a pot distributorship for friends, and the rest of Kentucky. Squeaky-clean Ashley spiritual image be damned.

Ashley Judd needed one course to earn her baccalaureate Degree from U. of K., and that course required one paper. Ashley’s major was French literature, and her paper was on the adjective “dangereux,” and its use through the history of the Franco language. Dangereux is conjugated dangereuse when describing a female. On and on, to make a long story short, Ms. Judd’s paper got an A, she pocketed her degree, and to this day, she is the foremost expert on the French adjective, dangereux.

Nicole “Oz” Kidman

(Still from To Die For Kerry Hayes | © Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.

Jennifer “Oscar Gold” Connelly

(Still of Jennifer Connelly in Mulholland Falls
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
© 1996 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
My point is that the star here is a bombshell,
now is different, bocce balls be damned.)

Heather “Sex” Graham

(Goodbye To All That
August 7th, 2015
© Lighthouse Home Entertainment)

If you wrote “sex” in lipstick on her forehead, it would be redundant. Welcome to the Pantheon, Heather. The address for C & Ds is somewhere on the home page.

Ms. Graham is unusually attractive. If the discussion is limited only to looks, she is easily on a par with Ann Margaret, and Catherine Deneuve. Yet, when she does the talk show circuit, she is the most charismatic, aesthete, with acute artistic sensibilities and sensitivities.

Uma “Mia Wallace” Thurman

(Still from Pulp Fiction © Miramax)

Amy “Oscar-less” Adams

(Still from American Hustle
Francois Duhamel | © 2013 Annapurna Productions LLC)

Amy Adams was nominated for six Oscars, but has yet to bring home the golden statuette. We know she will one year, it is only a matter of time.

Charlize “The Face” Theron

This photo is via Charlize Theron’s Instagram page.

Besides being “The Face,” Ms. Theron is also a beautiful soul. Her Charlize Theron Outreach Project (CTAOP) works at ameliorating African poverty.

Gwyneth “Integrity’ Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow will be renting out her guest cottage on Air BnB. Ms. Paltrow will even supper with the guest. Impossible to believe, but true. Has Goop hit hard times? Doubtful, her Pepper Potts from the Avengers movies gated ten figures.

This is more likely her entrée into the hospitality industry. And here’s news: Gwynnie was seen canoodling with a younger guy on Instagram, so she may be looking for an upgrade — know what I mean?

Gwyneth just hired a new personal assistant named Tiffany Myers. She was a Hefner favorite, and now she’s a Gwynnie one. Dig?

Cameron “Mary” Diaz

(The Mask,
the How may I help you, Ma’am? bank scene)

Kate “Almost Famous” Hudson

(Katie Kiehn)

Reese “June” Witherspoon

Reese’s Sunshine Saturday Films has a casting couch, but not that kind of casting couch. Dig?

Sofía “Gloria” Vergara

“Honest” Jessica Alba

(Hispanic Lifestyle)

Maggie “Lee” Gyllenhaal

Kirsten “Mary Jane Watson” Dunst

(Still from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,
Kirsten as a mistress,
and Lacuna Corp. memory-erasing employee.)

Amanda “Karen Smith” Seyfried

Katy “Taylor’s Understudy” Perry

(Eva Rinaldi)
Does Snow White have to be a blond?

Taylor “Lover” Swift

God understood that if all women looked like this, there would be trouble — plenty of it. And was she ever right. If Taylor could just bottle just some of her happiness, what a world this would be.)

Taylor apparently had an eating disorder, which is now completely in check...

Taylor Swift originally went on tours to promote her albums. With the advent of streaming however, she sells albums to promote her tours. Spotify and Youtube have chipped away at their income streams. The Grateful Dead only had one top forty hit, Touch of Gray, but had a much larger following, and made their name, by going on tour.

In other words, Taylor Swift and the Grateful Dead have the same business model, they both sell albums to promote their tours.